First off...

I am not perfect, I never have and I will never be perfect that was left for Jesus and only Him. But this is my blog. This is about me and my family. I sin everyday and I have issues with worry, guilt, and fear. I use this blog as my journal and express my feelings, my thoughts, my worries, my fears, my sin, but also the everyday things we do as a family or fun events in our lives. I was going to make this private but I have decided to leave it public. There are have been a lot of people that I was not aware of reading my blog and I don't want them not to be able to share it with others as well. So if you do want to know what going on in our lives and read about my/our good days, and bad days, the battles that my family and I will be fighting, the eventful days than you are more than welcome but if you do not want to read about the good, the bad, and everything that comes along with it than don't go any further.

Last week I jumped into a "new place" as Lisa put it. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be, to the point that I am constantly in a state of worry. I have to pray every time I worry just to get it out of my head and let me tell you its a LOT.

Last Wednesday I had to take Seth into the Hematologist where they checked his platelet count and checked out an ultrasound of his liver and spleen. His liver has gotten back to normal size but the spleen is still enlarged. The Dr. also informed me that the virus CMV goes into the bone marrow. I never knew this or read about it. So driving home I called Lisa and talked about it and then got home and started looking on the computer about c(congenital)CMV. And it really scared me. I feel that there has been so much that people(Doctors) failed to tell us about this virus. If you want information go to www.stopcmv.com there is just way too much to list. Here are two of the biggest things that caught my eye and really made me realize that this is way bigger than we have been told.

*Congenital CMV is one of the leading causes of cerebral palsy, the leading cause of non-hereditary deafness, and the second leading cause of mental retardation behind Down Syndrome.

*Infants who contract CMV in utero are at serious risk for brain malformations, which can lead to the developmental disabilities mentioned above, as well as blindness, feeding disorders, behavior disorders, seizures, even death.

This month is crazy busy with quite a few appointments. So if you think about it could you please pray that all these things go well and I don't worry too much about it.

This week: Developmental specialists and a Dr. appointment where Seth will get the rest of his 2 month shots we will talk about seizures, muscle spasms, and muscle twitches. Since we believe Seth has been having something going on
September 9 We meet with the Cardiologist and they will do an echo on his heart to check on the holes that he has
September 14 He will have a test run called VCUG for his kidney reflux
September 21 He has a neurologist appointment where the brain calcifications will be looked at further and He also has a urologist appointment.

I have been struggling with worrying about losing my little boy. And I understand that no one knows what is going to happen to their kids so I just need to take it one day at a time but it has been eating me up inside. Some days are really good and I tend to not think about it too much and then other days I just don't want to face the day. I don't want to see my little boy in pain. For right now I just have to understand in my HEART and my MIND that I did not do this to him and Seth created perfectly by GOD.