14 Weeks

Here are a few pictures of my little muffin at 14 weeks. He was so happy this morning that I had to get a few pictures of my adorable little boy!

Actually caught the sneeze on camera :)

Such a happy boy!

How can you not love this little boy?

Getting ready to do his famous smirk.

My little muffin

Just hanging out (love the profile pics)

14 weeks already!

So on Monday Seth was 14 weeks. He is so not a little baby anymore. He looks so much like a little boy to me. He weights 16 pounds and it about 25 inches long, wears 9-12 month clothing and is only 3 MONTHS it makes me really sad how fast time they grow up.

Here are a few pictures I took of Seth at 14 weeks. It seemed like I always had my camera by me at all times when Syd was little and I feel like I have not been getting enough pictures of my little muffin.

I love this picture...I can not believe I actually caught him in the midst of a sneeze :)

Trying to do a little smile

He is such a muffin!

How can you not fall in love with this little face?

Starting to smirk which he does all the time.

Saturday the 20th was the last day I nursed my little guy. It was a really hard thing for me to do and there are times I still feel guilty about it. Around 6 weeks old he decided that he was not going to latch on correctly and I tried for 7 weeks to continue nursing through the pain. I can not tell you how bad it hurt but for him I wanted to keep going. I met with a lactation specialist and thought that maybe we solved the problem but then right before my little vacation to the resort with Lisa it started getting worse. So the day I left the resort was the day I quit and it took everything I had to not nurse him when he wanted it, especially at night. He was so good at it and LOVED it but I just decided it was just time to let it go.

Last week we had 2 doctors appointments. One with the urologist and the other with the neurologist. Both turned out okay and you can read about it on his blog but in the end things will work out I just have to remember it is not alway in my timing. Sometime next week Seth will have a brain scan and we will find out if he is having heightened brain activity and if we need to take a course of action in that area.

These past few days have been hard for me and sometimes I wonder how I am going to get through each day but I have to keep going. This week I have NO appointments which is nice unless the brain scan gets scheduled, but right now it feels like I am living a normal life without doctors being involved all the time.

Urologist & Neurologist

On Thursday we met with the new urologist.  They did an ultrasound on his kidney's and the right one is still quite a bit larger than the left one. He still has the reflux one being a stage 5 and the other a stage 4. They are going to run a blood test on him that will check the functioning of his kidneys and see if that is something that we have to worry about. He has been on antibiotics since he was born, and has had two UTI's while being on antibiotics-they call this breakthrough infections which if he has too many of these he will need surgery sooner rather than later, but they will not do the surgery until he is at least 6 months old. The other option until surgery is to circumcise him, which is what the other urologist wanted to do. We found out that it is not something that we can do for Seth right now. His penis is not all the way up into the foreskin so if they circumcise him the penis would become trapped which is not a good thing and I am so glad that this urologist took a second to check Seth out and realize that it would be a more complicated surgery than just the circumcision. So in the end no circumcision right now and he is on a new antibiotic and we are praying that it keeps the infections away.

On Friday we had an appointment with the Neurologist, Dr. Bernes. We are going to have a brain scan done within the next week. It will be an hour study on his brain and he will be able to go off the results to see his brain activity and see if he has been having seizures or if he has heightened brain activity and then we can get him on medication to help.

He also said: Seth had to of come in contact with CMV later on in the pregnancy, within the last month, which is what we first thought when we was in the NICU. But we had everyone telling me that because of how extensive his brain calcifications are that it had to be within the first or early in the second trimester. He was born so big and looked healthy nothing was making sense. The first time I saw Dr. Bernes he said that I might have gotten sick mid pregnancy, but after really looking at his brain scans from when he was in the NICU, measuring his head and knowing his head size at birth, and that nothing showed up on his 22 week ultrasound Seth got the virus from me later on in the pregnancy. This is such a good thing. Dr. Bernes can not tell me how Seth will be affected from the brain calcifications because it will be more of a developmental thing but thats why we have developmental specialists that will be coming to the house and working with Seth. Right now he is right on target. I have to schedule some more appointments for Seth. Dr. Bernes wants me to get his hearing and vision checkout so thats what I will be doing this week and also getting his brain scan.

If you think of it please pray that the brain scan comes back perfectly normal, and that his hearing and vision are doing okay. Hearing is the thing that can go later on in life from the virus continuing to attack him, and I know right now that he can hear. The vision is a different story, he was tested in the hospital and everything was okay but they really can not see when they are born anyways so this test will see if he needs glasses or anything.

Thanks

Life...

So this week so far all I have a urologist appointment Thursday afternoon with a new doctor so that I can hopefully get the surgery for my little boy after he gets the MAG 3 test done. I am praying every day that his kidney's do not have any damage but it just seems like he will. With the way the hematologist told me to get into the urologist again and the fact that CMV attacks the kidney's it just doesn't look good. But anyways so we are meeting with the same urologist that Sydney saw and praying that they see my point of view with all of this.

Friday we see the neurologist again and this one is always the most scary thing for me. I pray everyday that they will tell me that his brain is perfect but I know that its not. I just pray for a miracle and that the brain calcifications that he has has nothing to do with his development. I know they are going to do a test on his brain since he is older know and we are going to check if he has been having seizures or if he might have them. For me the seizures are what worries me the most. I want to know how to help him in the event of one, and I do for the most part I just wish that there was more that I could do.

A Year Ago Yesterday...

I was in a state of devastation. I found out I was pregnant and not even 24 hours later I found out I was losing the baby. How could this be happening again? Why did I lose a baby at 13 weeks and then another one at 7 weeks? Why did I lose two babies in a row? I remember calling Lisa on the phone telling her, "I can't do this anymore!" She said I could and that I was not alone but man did I feel like my world was falling apart. All I wanted was my little baby. I thought that maybe since I only knew that I was pregnant for a day that it would be easier to handle the miscarriage but it wasn't. I barely got over the first miscarriage and then I have to do it all over again. 


The rest of September was so hard for me but so was October. Somehow I got pregnant again and had no idea if I was really pregnant or if my hormones were still elevated after the miscarriage. I showed Mike that I was pregnant and then called Lisa asking her if this was at all possible. Sure enough I was pregnant and I was so excited but so completely scared at the same time. I did not want to tell anyone. I did not want to have to go back and telling people that we were no longer pregnant if I had another miscarriage, which is what I thought was going to happen because its happened before. But 9 months later I delivered the most beautiful little boy. Seth John Asher is my little miracle.


Today Seth is 13 weeks old and tomorrow he is going to be 3 months old. Man does time fly by so fast. Seth is already wearing 6-9 month clothes and sometimes 12 month clothing and it makes me sad. He is growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was holding him in the hospital in awe that I was finally holding my baby boy.


This past week was great to be able to get away from life and not have a single DOCTOR appointment. My goodness I can not begin to tell you how good that felt. I was also able to have good conversations about my feelings, thoughts, and emotions about what I was dealing with involving Seth. I read things that really do not help my thoughts and sometimes I will get some anxiety and I truly felt it this past week. I had to take a break from real life for a few minutes to get myself together. I hold my baby boy and still think it was my fault sometimes. I hold him and pray that I would just be able to get one more day with him. I hold him sometimes thinking this could be my last time holding him. I want my thoughts to sometimes turn off but lately they have been going full blast. Just praying that they go away sooner rather than later.

cCMV

Not even 18 hours after Seth was born he started having breathing issues. They monitored him for about 3 hours and then decided to send him into the NICU. After a few hours there they noticed that he had an enlarged liver and spleen. And thats when all of the tests began. He has many ultrasounds on his stomach to confirm that it was really enlarged and they took blood from him quite a bit to get a culture to see what was causing the infection, because we knew that it was some type of infection because of the enlarged spleen. Thursday the 25th of June they did a CT scan on his brain and found extensive brain calcifications which can lead to many different things...slow development, seizures, and CP. We are not sure what is going to happen in this area but as of right now he is doing okay. On June 27th he was diagnosed with cCMV (congenital cytomegalovirus) He got it while in utero from a cold virus that I got (CMV). Many people have had this you just do not want to get it while you are pregnant because it will attack the organs while developing. He had a low platelet count when he was born so we have been seeing the Hematologist where they check his counts every few months. As of about 3 weeks ago they were almost normal. They also did hearing and vision tests on him. His hearing was good in the hospital and we have to continuing checking it because the virus can still attack his hearing while he gets older. His vision we are not sure about. We knew while he was in the hospital that the brain calcifications were behind his eyes but it did not affect his vision right now so again we have to get that tested also.
Seth also has kidney reflux. I know that this was not part of CMV but I do believe that it made it worse because CMV attacks the liver, spleen, kidneys, and lung. There are 5 grades to this, 1 being on the low end and 5 being the worst. Seth has a 5 on one kidney and a 4 on the other.
He was also born with 2 holes in his heart. A hole called ASD and another one called VSD. The VSD closed on its own after about 11 weeks and we are waiting for the ASD to close on its own. If that does not happen then he will have surgery around the age of 3.

Home

So last week Mike went out of town on Friday for work. So because the guys were out of town Lisa and I knew that we wanted to do something. So we happened to get a resort for the week. We got there Sunday afternoon and stayed until Saturday because Mike wanted to come home early for a day before work. Lisa and I finally got into a groove of things after the first day. It was Me, Lisa, Patti (Lisa's mom) and the 6 kids. We had so much fun going to the pool, getting the kids nice and tired so they would take a nap take them back to the pool have dinner, and then put them to bed.

It was so nice to have company when Mike was out of town and an extra hand to help when I needed it with Seth. Also when the kids went to bed Lisa and I were able to hang out and relax, watch movies, and have some really good conversations. It always nice to be able to get away for a few days with your best friend and then have the husbands join us in the middle of the week for some more fun. I wish I would have brought the camera but I forgot it so when Lisa sends me some pictures I will post them.

Thanks Patti for coming and helping us out with the kids and Lisa for hanging out, making dinner, the long talks, diving in the pool for my ring, and singing :) Love ya!

A new blog!

I created a new blog for anyone who wants to know about what is going on in Seth's life. I will update it as much as I can especially after doctor appointments, visits from the developmental specialists, and his everyday accomplishments. I will also include prayer requests, especially things for Seth.

I will continue using this blog as my everyday journal, but if you want specific information about Seth you can visit "Gloriously Woven"
http://gloriouslywoven.blogspot.com/

Seth John Asher Marinello

June 22 2009...

6:30am I woke up to a contraction but it really was not painful so I just tried to go back to bed but that did really happen because I have a crazy two year old who needs to be up at the crack of dawn. I started to time them because I had more than 2 so I just wanted to see how far apart they were. They ended up being around 10 minutes apart so I just ignored it and thought it was false labor.

8:00am Finally I felt that it was late enough to give Lisa a call and just let her know what was going on, but we both or at least I felt that it was totally false labor and nothing to worry about. Lisa mentioned getting into the shower to see if the contractions start to let up or if they continue. I knew that my dad was going to be over sometime around 9:15am so I decided to hop into the shower to see how it would make me feel. The contractions did not lighten up but yet at the same time they were not painful.

9:20am my dad comes over to pick up a few things from our house and decides to hang out for a bit before going over to his rental to fix something with the water. I was totally feeling fine with a few contractions but nothing horrible and my dad had no idea that I was not feeling that great so again to me I was not really in labor because they just really did not hurt yet.

11:00am I call Lisa again to let her know that the contractions are about 6 mins apart sometimes more but on average 6. I told her I was going with Mike and uncle Tom to the back to get some of his dads things in order and I would call or text her if anything changes.

11:15am I call Mike and inform him that I have been having contractions but nothing to worry about and that we might later this evening be heading into the hospital but for right now everything is fine and totally bearable.

12:00pm My dad comes to the house to watch Sydney for us and Mike and I head to the apple store so that I could get a case for my phone and while at the store I had my first painful contraction but it was bearable so I didn't say anything or worry about it. From there we picked up uncle Tom and headed to the bank. While at the back I tried to time them with this cool application that I have on my iphone called the labor mate. The contractions were still averaging out at 6 minutes apart. The bank took a really long time and I think around 2pm Lis sent me a text asking, "what is going on?"I just told her they were averaging 6 minutes apart and she just said "keep me posted."

3:07pm We let my dad go home and Mike and Uncle Tom did some bonding time. Then I think things started to change a little bit but yet I still did not think I was in labor. I honestly thought that they were going to send me home.

4:00pm I text Lis asking "how long would you stay home with contractions 6 mins apart?" she said forever, call me. So I called her and we talked a little bit about what I was feeling and that stuff and she told me that I needed to call my OB and see what the best thing for me to do. I hung up with her and called Dr. Seymann right away. He said go in when the contractions are about 4 minutes apart or unbearable. I called Lisa back and told her.

5:15pm Me, Mike, Uncle Tom, and Sydney went out to dinner to Paradise Bakery. (Never eat broccoli and cheese soup before going into labor, or while in labor) while at dinner I was feeling okay, having quite a few contractions but again still feeling like I was not really in labor because the contractions were not consistent. After dinner we took Uncle Tom back to John's house and then headed home. While at home Mike and I were talking about what we should do and if we really thought that I was in labor.

6:45pm We got Sydney into the bath and that is when Mike made the decision that we would give Sydney a bath and then head over to my parents house. I texted Lisa and told her that we were giving Sydney a bath and then taking her to my parents house and that I would text her when we left there.

7:20pm We got Sydney to my parents and hung out there for a while. The contractions were still not consistent so I told Mike lets just wait a few more minutes until we leave their house. Matt called Mike while at my parents house and told him that we were heading to the hospital (I thought that Matt would tell that to Lisa and she would head over...I was wrong) I think it was about 7:50pm until we finally left the house and headed to the hospital.

8:13pm we got to the hospital and was in Triage #9. There were quite a few other ladies also there in labor and then seemed like they were in tons of pain and needed to be admitted. So thats when I for sure thought I was going to be sent home. The contractions hurt but I was still able to talk to Mike, watch TV and just hang out. Lis started texting me. I wish I would have had the messages saved but I did not realize my phone could save them all. Anyways, we were texting and she said that she was on her way and what was going on. I told her that we were at the hospital but I did not want her to come all the way out here unless I was going to be admitted. Then at some point I said something to her about wanting an epidural and she decided she was going to head up. She texted me to have Mike come out and get her so I gave the phone to Mike and instead of going to get her he just texted her...Triage #9

8:45pm Lisa got there at the same time as the nurse who did not seem very happy, she actually did not seem very nice by the way she was talking to Lisa. It took her about 15 minutes to do all the computer work and while she was doing that Mike, Lisa and I were just hanging out and talking. She then finally decided to check me. She kinda looked at me a little weird and started to laugh and I thought "oh great, I am not even dilated." She started to laugh and say, "you are eight cm with a bulging bag of waters." and said again, "I am going to check one more time to make sure, yes, you are for sure 8 with a bulging bag." Then she proceeded to leave the room and come back with 4 nurses. They started to put on gloves and tell me that they are going to get me admitted. Somewhere in there I Lisa told me that I was not going to be getting an epidural and I said oh yes I am. (little did I know that she was actually right.) I for some reason in my head thought that I had another hour or more before I would even start pushing. The nurses got the bed ready to move and Mike and Lisa got all my stuff and we headed to LDR #19. They got me on the other bed and started asking some more questions and that contractions really started to hurt. And right away I felt that I needed to throw up-thats where the broccoli and cheese soup comes in. DONT ever eat that before going into labor, its not great coming back up. Not too long after that I felt like I needed to push so the nurse came over to check me, Mike was on my left and running around a little bit, and I think thats when Lisa came to my right side to hang out with me. Right after the nurse checked me she walked away and I heard a "pop" and felt the gush. I said something like, "oh it just broke...I think." Lisa said, "yes it did!" After that everything went so fast that it is hard for me to remember anything. I remember Lisa at one point asking if I wanted her to leave and get me a wash cloth and at that time Mike was gone and I said, "no don't leave me" so she had someone else go do it. I remember everyone telling me not to push and to just breathe and all I wanted was the epidural. They gave me the IV but there was no way that I was going to be able to stay still for them to do it. Finally Lisa and the nurse told me that I am not going to be getting the epidural so I finally had to get it in my head that I was going to have to do this natural.
Those last 15 minutes seemed like forever. I was told to not push and in my head thinking..."you guys are all crazy." Finally the Dr. came in the bed was broken down and I was able to push. I think it was only a few pushes and at 9:40pm out came Seth John Asher Marinello.

He was 9 pounds 1 ounce and 21 inches long. He did not have the dark hair that I thought he was going to have but instead my hair color. Lisa when straight over to him while Mike stayed with me. The Dr. got me all fixed up and I was able to hold my precious little Miracle. After a little while Mike went over with Seth and Lisa hung out with me. For some reason my body would not stop shaking. They said it was normal right after labor and they got me a blanket but it did not work at all. I could not stop the shaking at all. Shortly after he was born I called my mom and she came straight over to the hospital.  I remember at that point after a few pictures were taken that Lisa headed home. I was still shaking and the nurse decided to check me again and I was loosing a lot of blood. I think we waited an hour and finally she had to get the doctor back into the room because the bleeding would not stop and I was still shaking uncontrollably. The doctor checked me out and said...so sorry but I am going to have to give you another shot and then pushed really hard on my stomach and according to Mike and my mom out came a massive blood clot the size of Seth's head. The doc said thats why I was bleeding so much by uterus would not contract so I just kept gushing blood. The found a new tear that needed to be stitched and the whole time I wish I would have been able to get an epidural for that.

Seth is such a blessing from God! He is my little miracle, the baby that shouldn't be and I am so blessed that he is my little guy. I was so blessed, I had two of my favorite people with me. My husband Mike and Lisa, who has been there from the beginning. I was so glad she was able to make it there.

Resort

So Sunday Lisa and I took the kids for a little resort getaway. We are staying in Phoenix until the guys get back from their work trip. I will post pictures and what we did for the past few days when I get home and actually have some time. This week should be some fun times with the kids all playing together and also some much needed girl time!

The sad days...

So when I was driving today I heard this song...I have heard it many times and every time it makes me cry just because I think it is such a sweet song, it actually makes me think of the book, "notebook" I am not sure why but it just does. Well anyways I was listening to it and I got to the end of the song and for some reason Mike's dad John popped into my head and I just started thinking about him. I didn't really know the side of John that many people talk about. He was nice and loving and he loved us the best way he knew how but I wish I would have known the John that everybody talks about. The John that loved to dance, laugh, play jokes, be a dork, hit on girls, go out and have a good time. I never met that guy. For me and Sydney he was the "diaper fairy" and the day before he died was the first time I really saw JOHN. I sometimes think that I never gave him a chance or that he did not know that I loved him and I cared about him.
Okay back to the song, its called "Walking her home" and I highlighted the part in red that made me think of John

Walking Her Home

Looking back

He sees it all

It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son

Have her home on time

And promise me you'll never leave her side

He took her to a show in town

And he was ten feet off the ground

He was walking her home

And holding her hand

Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him

Down that old road

With the stars up above

He remembers where he was the night he fell in love

He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room

At half past one

And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak

When he saw his wife

She was smiling as she said he's got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight

His mind went back to that first night

He was walking her home

And holding her hand

Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him

Down that old road

With the stars up above

He remembers where he was the night he fell in love

He was walking her home

He walked her through the best days of her life

Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home

At eighty-five

And the doctor said it could be her last night

And the nurse said Oh

Should we tell him now

Or should he wait until the morning to find out

But when they checked her room that night

He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home

And holding her hand

Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end

And just for a while they were eighteen

And she was still more beautiful to him than anything

He was walking her home

He was walking her home

Looking back

He sees it all

It was her first date the night he came to call

John alone and on June 4 he felt very much alone and that breaks my heart. I wish he would have had someone to walk him home. I wish he could be here to see his precious little grandson. I wish he could be here to see Sydney swim, all because he got her swimming lessons for Christmas. I wish he knew that he was not alone. I wish he knew how much he son loved him and misses him every day. I wish he knew that I loved him and that I wanted him to meet Seth. I know that I did not give John enough credit and I know that I did not talk to him as much as I should have. And I know that I should have told him more than I did that I loved him.
Mike has a harder time with this than I do as he should. And there are so many times where I can not help him and I feel so guilty not being able to. But when I hear this song it kind of sums up what I am trying to do for him. I know that I can not fix him but there are times when I try because I just want him to be happy again and not sad.

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Can I get a break?

Alright so I am beyond frustrated.

I do everything that I am suppose to do for this little boy and it seems like it is never enough. Seth has a fever again this morning and sure enough Dr. Seitter wanted to see him in his office this morning rather than the afternoon. So we went in at 10:25am and he ended up having another UTI. So he got an antibiotic shot and we had to wait there for 20 extra minutes to make sure he was not allergic. He was put on a strong antibiotic for 10 days and then we will try a different preventative one so that hopefully he wont get anymore. My issue is the urologists should just do the surgery so that every time he gets a fever I dont have to worry about doing damage to his kidneys, or being worried that they are going to admit him into the hospital because the infection got into the blood stream. After the Dr. I had a lactation appointment and we got some things figured out I think and heading home. Both kids fell asleep in the car and I did not want to wake them up to go into Target and get Seth's antibiotic filled so I am going to have to do that tonight before 8pm when it closes.

The VCUG test that we are having done on Seth's kidneys was suppose to be done this coming Monday but since he has a UTI we are most likely going to have to cancel that and make one for 6 weeks later. So again this is another thing that is frustrating me!

Today I was suppose to make Seth's hearing and vision appointments, schedule my 6 week OB check up (we are now at 11 weeks) laundry for Mike, and NONE of these things got done today. So that really frustrates me!

I ordered two things this week and none of them have come on time. I ordered diapers and wipes off of diapers.com and I made that order on Sunday and they did not get it to my house until today when it was suppose to be here Tuesday. I also ordered something off of Amazon and it now says it is not coming until the 14th so I am going to have to call which is not something that I wanted to add to my to-do list.

So to say the least today has not been that great of a day and I was actually looking forward to today as of yesterday because Lisa and I had a pretty good plan on what we were going to get done. We were going to go over there for lunch and Syd was going to nap over there while I took Seth to the lactation specialist and then head to our check-up with Dr. Seitter but instead things got changed around.

Busy, Busy, and more Busy!

Oh goodness...where to start?

This past week was busy helping Lisa get things ready for Ezra's First Birthday. So crazy to me that the adorable little Ezra is already 1. I watched the kiddos on Friday for her so that she could go looking for a cake, and I helped her make the palm trees for the cake. Let me tell you that was not the easiest thing to do, but they did turn out cute. Saturday was the party, it was a luau party and it was a blast. There was swimming, games, and great food and cake. Ezra has a little crab as a smash cake and he was covered in frosting and was so cute, even though it was bright red and all over. Kinda looked like a slasher film. It was so much fun and besides the fact that Sydney was crazy and Seth got sick that night it was a great time. I can not believe that Ezra is already one, times flies so quickly.

Today Seth had to go to the cardiologist for the two holes that are in his heart. He has a VSD and an ASD both were defects in the heart. The VSD which is the one that we thought was not going to close, closed on its own. The other one we are hoping it will close if not they will most likely do surgery to fix it. Tomorrow we go to the pediatrician and we are going to be talking about his muscle spasms that he has been having and I will for sure be bringing it up to the neurologist when we see him on the 21st of September.

Mike leaves this Friday for California for a big work conference. All the sales guys are going up two days early and hanging out at the beach and then Sunday going to Six Flags. The conference starts Monday and they should be done Wednesday if I remember right. So while they are gone Lisa and I are staying in Phoenix at a resort. We figured while the guys are away having some fun we should too. So we are checking in on Sunday and staying for a whole week! Its going to be great!

While we are away at the resort Seth needs to have a test run on his kidneys. Its called a VCUG and he has to get it done on Monday the 14th. I remember getting it done with Sydney but I have no idea how long it takes. I just know that his kidney reflux is way more severe than Sydney's was so I am hoping we can get it fixed so that I dont have to worry about UTI's anymore. Anytime Seth gets a fever thats the first thing that comes to my mind and I get so frustrated because in the hospital they said that the level his is at it will not correct itself. (He is at a level 5 on one side and 4 on the other. 5 is the worst.) Even my pediatrician wants to get it fixed but for some reason the urologist wants to wait a few years. So it is a little bit frustrating to me.

So the rest of this week is pretty busy with doctor appointments, watching the MacCallum kids while Matt and Lisa go celebrate their anniversary together without the kids, and packing for the fun week away. I am so excited to get away and have some much needed girl time and also just relax by the pool and hang out!

Doctor appointments are starting to weigh on me and I am getting really tired. Not physically but emotionally. They are just draining. So if you think about it please pray for patience and for me to not get emotionally drained every time I hear that I have to schedule a new appointment. So far I have wanted at least one specialist say...see ya! But I have not gotten it yet.

Pictures

10 Weeks old

 My little muffin

Hanging in the bumbo

He still might be too small for it :)

Here are a few Disneyland pictures...the rest I have not finished uploading or editing so when I get those done I will post them :) I also have to get the ones from my moms camera. She took majority of the pictures because she lets no one else take their own, and if we did she would get a little but upset.

Mike being his dorky self

Riding the teacups

One the Rocket with Sydney...she loved this ride!

Going on "Small World"

Masterpiece!

I am God's Original Masterpiece!

This video was on Facebook and man was it true for my life. I don't look at myself as Gods original Masterpiece, I guess I don't look at myself as a masterpiece at all. I hold on to so many things that God wants to take over control of them so that I am free. Free to worship HIM. He is the Gardener pruning His trees. It hurts and is not fun but in the end I will be the person God created me to be. I seem to be struggling with the same things lately but the days that are harder than others are the days that I do not wake up asking God to help me through the day.

Guilt has been the hardest for me lately. Knowing that I got the cold that got my little boy sick. But every morning I need to get out of bed, put my feet on the floor, and ask God to get me through the day with HIS strength because I do not have the strength to do it on my own. I did not get my little boy sick, CMV did it and really God is so much bigger than CMV.

My husband is the best gift that God has given me. He gave me someone that is strong with I am weak. We are a team and we need to work together as a team. These past few months (starting in June) I think we have not always worked as a team. I think guilt, grief, and pain have gotten in the way of relying on God first and then each other. I pray that God uses us for each other and that we can grow closer together especially in the next few months.

I might be a little biased but God gave me the gift of two of the most beautiful children. He gave me an adorable daughter with a big time attitude. She tests me every day with my patience and there are days that I fail misserably with her, and I need to apologize to her and it breaks my heart that I sometimes lose my cool with her. But she is an amazing, smart, gorgeous little girl whom I love with all my heart. And then there is Seth, I am still unsure about his personalily but he is a snuggle bug. I want to be able to look at my little boy and not blame myself. I want to enjoy him everyday because he is just going to get older. I dont want CMV to rule my life with him, I want God to rules our lives. Having a baby that might be sick has made me realize that these little miracles are gifts from GOD. He gave them to me to raise them up in the way of the LORD. He can take them away at anytime. I do not get to choose what is going to happen to them. There days are numbered just as mine and Mike's are. I need to cherish each day that I have with them! I have no idea what tomorrow holds, or next month, or the next few years for that matter. But I do know that this journey with Seth is not going to be an easy one. It will have the hard days and the amazing days and each day I need to wake up and ask God to be in control of my life and give everything to him!

I have my other issues. I need to give up my body image and my thoughts, and then things that I say when I should not! I need to give up the things that are holding me down. I need to give them to someone that can carry them because I was not meant to carry them. They are too much for me but they are not too much for GOD. He is waiting for me to give them up. He wants them all so that I can be free.

I AM GODS MASTERPIECE!