9 days old.

So it has offically been 9 days since my little boy, well actually big boy was born. I can not even begin to describe to anyone how crazy this past week has been. Seth has been through so much in his few days of life and I can not even begin to describe to you how much I want my little guy home. He has offically been off oxygen since 10 am this morning so we are about half way there! I have been praying all day that they let him go home tomorrow. But for the first time I am actually scared to bring him home because I think I am actually scared of the unknown. I forgot to mention that they did an echo on him today so we should get the results back from that tomorrow.

Last night was a pretty rough night...I won't go into huge detail but we just had some run-ins with a few nurses/doctors at the hospital and basically someone telling me that the reason he is in the NICU is because of me. As if I myself don't carry enough guilt in this situation but I have a doctor telling me it's my fault. I have been trying really hard to give everything to the Lord through this whole thing especially Seth but for some reason I am really struggling with the guilt. I don't want the guilt anymore and I want him to take it away but I believe it's gonna be a process that I am going to have to go through. Most likely an everyday thing that I am going to be dealing with. Poor Lisa has been getting the majority of my emotional breakdowns but hopefully there won't be as many as time goes by.

Tonight I'm staying at the hospital with him especially because I hate knowing that he is alone.

Thanks everyone for keeping us and of course Serh in your prayers.