The past few days I have totally been struggling with thoughts about losing this little baby. I have no idea what triggered these thoughts, but I have them all the time. I know that thoughts like this come along with multiple miscarriages, but I thought that I was handling them pretty well. I can not wait for my ultrasound next Monday but at the same time I don't want to go because I am so scared that they are going to tell me that there is no heartbeat, I don't want to deal with that again! I know that I need to embrace this pregnancy and I am going to try but at the same time it is so hard to do. I have this journal that I wrote in when I was pregnant with Sydney and I still write in it. I want to give it to her when she gets older. Anyways, I did this with the baby that we lost in March. I wrote it it everyday for 13 weeks until we lost the baby...after I lost the baby I threw it away I could not even look at it. Now I am 12 weeks and I still can not write in the journal that I have for this little one...and I have no idea when I will be comfortable doing it.
Again I just want you to know that I am extremely excited about this little one...I just have some fear that comes along with it. And thank-you to those you have been there for me everyday during this pregnancy, I have no idea what I would do without you!!
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteI have those fears too. I want nothing more than to meet your precious baby in the summer, and I pray every day for that moment to come to pass. We cant know that plans God has for our lives, nor can we change them....but we can trust that everything we go through is for our best interest. I look at Ezra & as much as I miss my Little Star and John...I know I wouldnt have Ezra if I hadnt lost them. The Lord's timing & his plan are perfect! It's a hard thing to do, but try with all you have to remember that the only thing you need you already have - everything else is just the icing on the cake. Be brave, lean on God & cling to his promises. Things will work out right...Im so excited about what the future holds for you & your family.
I love you & Im praying for you & your little bean every day. Hold on tight, keep that chin up & take good are of yourself & your wee person.
LISA
Thanks LISA...you have no idea how much you have helped me though the past few months!
ReplyDeleteTHANK-YOU!!!
Hey Melissa - I totally understand. I really like what your friend Lisa said. i look at Paisley and think I wouldn't have her if i didn't lose our first baby. God really does have the best plan. I'll be praying for you! it's so easy to say not to fear or fret, but i did it the entire 9 mos i was pregnant..I guess it's part of being human and being a mom.
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