Strong Enough

Last night was a hard night for me. Sydney woke up screaming and of course that woke up Seth. I went in and tried to get him back to sleep and he was just so not himself. He was having so many spasms and he just did not look there. I do not know how else to describe it besides that it seemed like my little guy was empty. I decided I would wait 30 min to see if he falls back asleep and then if not I would give him some meds. I went back in at 2:45am and he was still awake so I gave him some meds in his bottle and then put him back to bed contemplating if I was doing the right thing or if I should be taking him to the hospital. So then I spent the next hour or so looking up infantile spasms online even though I have done it many times before I just thought that maybe I would find something different. And of course the more I read the more I got frustrated and scared for Seth. These spasms (seizures) are the hardest to treat and sometimes the meds do not work at all. I found one drug besides the only one that we have not tried that comes in shot form. If your insurance does not cover the shots it can be really expensive but there have been a lot of people that had success with it but also some that didn't but had success with vigabatrin which is the one that can cause vision issues. So I am just getting tired of all of this and especially everything that Seth is going through. I do not feel strong enough to handle this all and I know either does Mike. We both feel spent and frustrated and it just seems like one thing after another. But I heard this song yesterday and I had to buy it because I felt like Matthew West was singing it to me and my family. I know that I am not strong enough and I know that Mike and I together...still we are not strong enough but with HIM we are strong enough and we will get through this. It is just really hard right now. If you think of it please pray for me and Mike and of course Seth. We are fighting and it is going to be a long fight.

Strong Enough

You must, You must think I'm strong

To give me what I'm going through

Forgive me, Forgive me if I'm wrong

But this looks like more than I can do

On my own...

I know I'm not strong enough

To be everything that I'm suppose to be

I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy wont you cover me

Lord I know I'm asking you to be

Strong enough, strong enough for the both of us

Well maybe, well maybe thats the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom

Well thats when I start looking up

And reaching out...

I know I'm not strong enough

To be everything that I'm suppose to be

I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy wont you cover me

Lord I know I'm asking you to be

Strong enough, strong enough

Cause I'm broken, down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God and You are strong and I'm with...

I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be 

Strong enough, strong enough

I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough, strong enough

I know I'm not strong enough

To be everything that I'm suppose to be

I give up, I'm not strong enough

Hands of mercy wont you cover me

Lord I know I'm asking you to be

Strong enough, strong enough, strong enough