I never thought that I would be the one to struggle with trying to figure out how to love another baby. I mean I have told my husband a million times that your heart just does it. Well for the first time I actually can not believe what I am saying. How am I going to love this little baby like I already love my little girl? Everyone has told me as mother we just do it, but I want to know how and I want to love this little boy as much as I love Sydney but right now its just not happening. Don't get me wrong, I love this little miracle and it is something that Mike and I have wanted for over a year and he is almost here but at the same time I am actually scared. I am not scared of life with two kids or how I am going to do it, or how hard it is going to be going from one to two kids. I am actually scared of how I am going to love two of my kids when it seems like I already love Sydney with my whole heart.
When I was pregnant with Sydney all I knew was that I better be having a boy because I have no idea what to do with a little girl. Well God obviously was laughing because he decided to bless us with a little girl. This time I really did not care I just wanted another baby, but secretly I wanted another girl, God thought differently. Boys are so different than girls that it is going to take a lot of time for me to understand how little boys work and all that jazz.
So praying has been a big thing for me these past few days when I actually found out what the heck was really bothering me. The funny thing it is came out after I had lunch with my husband on monday and realized that this was my issue. I pray that God solves my little issue fast so that I can enjoy this little boy!
This issue will be a non-issue as soon as you are holding that little guy in your arms! Dont worry! ;)
ReplyDeleteI think about the same thing all the time!
ReplyDeleteI can 100000000% TOTALLY understand all of these thoughts and feelings! I can remember the day and time I FELT these feelings. And I can remember the day and time that these feelings resolve. July 29th, at 7:32am....when my little boy was placed in my arms (just like Lisa said), all purple and slimy and disgusting...crying a weird sqauwky little cry. THAT was when I finally knew it WAS possible to love both of my kids. My love for them was different, but it was no less or more for one than the other. I still don't understand HOW it happens...but it really does happen...and people can tell you that a MILLION times, but until you experience it, it will probably be very hard to believe. So for now, continue to pray, like you've been doing....pray that God would take the worry and anxiety away, but don't expect to understand it or have it "resolve" just yet : ) Love you!! Sorry this "comment" is more like a book...I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely NOT alone and that you WILL be ok : )
ReplyDeleteMelissa
ReplyDeleteYour post is so sweet - and you also know I can't help you! But you know in your heart that it will happen. In a few days...You will LOVE that little boys just as much as you do little Sydney...
Thanks for following along our journey...get ready to hold on for the wild ride of rides!
Me meet an expectant mom yesterday and she is our "little Juno" We are guarded, excited and relying totally on GODS faith to guide us along.
Can't wait to see your "new" little peanut!
Sheri
http://theshaniaproject.blogspot.com
ps not sure about KidsConnection Will depend on "baby" situation (: Would love to serve with you again.