The sad days...

So when I was driving today I heard this song...I have heard it many times and every time it makes me cry just because I think it is such a sweet song, it actually makes me think of the book, "notebook" I am not sure why but it just does. Well anyways I was listening to it and I got to the end of the song and for some reason Mike's dad John popped into my head and I just started thinking about him. I didn't really know the side of John that many people talk about. He was nice and loving and he loved us the best way he knew how but I wish I would have known the John that everybody talks about. The John that loved to dance, laugh, play jokes, be a dork, hit on girls, go out and have a good time. I never met that guy. For me and Sydney he was the "diaper fairy" and the day before he died was the first time I really saw JOHN. I sometimes think that I never gave him a chance or that he did not know that I loved him and I cared about him.
Okay back to the song, its called "Walking her home" and I highlighted the part in red that made me think of John

Walking Her Home

Looking back

He sees it all

It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son

Have her home on time

And promise me you'll never leave her side

He took her to a show in town

And he was ten feet off the ground

He was walking her home

And holding her hand

Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him

Down that old road

With the stars up above

He remembers where he was the night he fell in love

He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room

At half past one

And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak

When he saw his wife

She was smiling as she said he's got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight

His mind went back to that first night

He was walking her home

And holding her hand

Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him

Down that old road

With the stars up above

He remembers where he was the night he fell in love

He was walking her home

He walked her through the best days of her life

Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home

At eighty-five

And the doctor said it could be her last night

And the nurse said Oh

Should we tell him now

Or should he wait until the morning to find out

But when they checked her room that night

He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home

And holding her hand

Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end

And just for a while they were eighteen

And she was still more beautiful to him than anything

He was walking her home

He was walking her home

Looking back

He sees it all

It was her first date the night he came to call

John alone and on June 4 he felt very much alone and that breaks my heart. I wish he would have had someone to walk him home. I wish he could be here to see his precious little grandson. I wish he could be here to see Sydney swim, all because he got her swimming lessons for Christmas. I wish he knew that he was not alone. I wish he knew how much he son loved him and misses him every day. I wish he knew that I loved him and that I wanted him to meet Seth. I know that I did not give John enough credit and I know that I did not talk to him as much as I should have. And I know that I should have told him more than I did that I loved him.
Mike has a harder time with this than I do as he should. And there are so many times where I can not help him and I feel so guilty not being able to. But when I hear this song it kind of sums up what I am trying to do for him. I know that I can not fix him but there are times when I try because I just want him to be happy again and not sad.

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you