UTI...

I hate the letters U T I especially when they are all together UTI. Seth this morning started throwing up and has a temp. so off to the doctors we shall go. Please if you think about it, pray for my little guy that we are able to be sent home and not have to go into the hospital. This will be his second one since he has been born. Oh the joys of kidney reflux!

Growing and Growing...

Seth is 8 weeks and 3 days today and on August 22 he will be 2 months. I have NO idea where the time goes but it just flies by, and I am not sure if I like it. He is already so big weighing about 12.7 pounds and man can this boy eat. He takes in about 6 oz every feeding. Seth has always been good at holding his head up he just does it a lot more now. He is starting to stay awake for longer periods of time and we got a few nights where he slept all the way through but lately he wakes up once around 2 or 3am and then goes back to bed till about 8:30am so I really can not complain about his night time sleep. In the late afternoon and evening he still has his fussy time and we try to just walk around with him or give him a bath. Sometimes nothing helps him so we just let him cry it out. Here are a few pictures of him at 8 weeks.

He loves the flash.

Whats up?

Holding Sydney's finger :)

She just can't help but be next to him, he thinks she is crazy!

Sydney is getting so big too. I can not believe in 3 short months my little girl is going to be turning 3. Right now she is in LOVE with Nemo and has been for at least 6 months. I really want it to continue so that Lisa can make her a Nemo cake for her birthday. Mike and I just bought Nemo stickers to decorate her room with and she is going to be so excited I am not sure she will sleep the first night :) She is starting to talk a lot more and the pacifier is out of her mouth a lot more so thats a good start. She has gotten over the middle of the night wake up asking for a drink and is amazing about not getting out of her bed until we come and get her. Here are a few pictures of Syd:

Sydney playing in her room at grandma's

Dad helping her ride her bike

Sydney and Joe playing with the rocks and flowers

Grandma with her 3 grandkids

Averie, Sydney, and Seth

Missin the man...

Well this morning my husband left for a business trip to Lincoln and he will be gone till Wednesday. He left so early this morning that I don't even remember saying good bye to him. This will be the first time that I have been by myself with two kids for more than 24 hours since Seth was born. Mike also mentioned last night that this will be the first time that we have been apart from each other since his dad has passed away. I think everything will be fine while he is gone its just Mike normally gets up in the morning with Sydney so I will just have to do that and this morning it was a little rough because she woke up right after I fed Seth and I so wanted to go back to bed. Anyways, while Mike is gone I will probably get bored after the kids go to bed so yesterday I got a few movies that I can watch to keep myself entertained :) Tuesday night is planned with Lisa and the kids can all play together.

Also August 27-30 we are going to Disneyland with the whole family. We are bringing my dad along too so he can watch Seth while we take Sydney to the park. And of course he will be able to watch Sydney so that just Mike and I can go to the park and have some fun. Mike wants to start going to Disneyland once a year because he loved doing that with his dad and he thinks it will be something that we can always do. This year the only downfall is that I will be one year older while I am there and I am really not looking forward to that!

My son is...AMAZING!

Last night I could not get my little guy to fall asleep so I got my laptop and listened to some music with him laying on my chest. This song from my playlist came on called "Amazing" and I just started listening to the words and crying, not just a tear but the tears, snot, and uncontrollable sobs. Since Seth was born I have been struggling with guilt and for right now I can't say that it still wont haunt me but for the first time I can say with really understanding what I'm saying is "GOD allowed this to happen to my son and to me." I was so mad at God when I found out something could be wrong with Seth, plus what happened to John I could not understand what God was trying to teach me, or my family for that matter. I was mad that I went through two miscarriages and then I have a beautiful baby and he is sick. I was mad that he took Mikes dad right before we had Seth. But in the end this is Gods plan and I had to work through it and it has been a long, hard process. I have to be honest here for a moment which is hard because to me it is admitting that I failed as a parent but for the first few weeks of Seth's life I could not enjoy him and fall in love with him because I was so guilty for getting him sick. For not being able to realize that I had a cold and get myself into the doctor to get myself checked out. I was apologizing to Seth every time I held him, telling him I'm sorry for what I caused him and for the unknown. I would talk with friends and Mike and no matter what I said I could not get them to understand what I was going through and what I was feeling. No matter what they would say to me I still felt it was my fault. I talked with Lisa a lot about all of this stuff and crying and venting about how I was feeling, thinking that would help release the guilt but it never did. She would tell me over and over again how wrong I was but it didn't matter I still felt like I was the worst mom in the world. I wanted to believe her so much I wanted to really feel like I did not cause my son to be sick or have to get all these tests done but in my head, and heart I got the cold that got him sick.

But my son is Amazing, and he is Amazing because of God. He has brought so much joy and happiness into our lives especially with everything that happened in June. While listening to this song, I realized that even though I did give CMV to Seth so far he has beaten all odd. According to his neurologist I got CMV during the first trimester or second because of how extensive his brain calcifications are. So according to Dr. Bernes he should not be alive or he should be mentally handicapped and obviously he is neither right now, and if anything he should not have weighted 9 pounds at birth. As Lisa says he is the baby that shouldn't be. He is our little miracle and we are so blessed that he is in our lives.

I am not going to say that I wont struggle with this anymore because I would be lying if I said that. But I do know that God is faithful and His mercies are new every morning. I have had amazing people walking through this with me and I have no idea where I would be without them. Thanks Lisa for everything and being there when I needed you and not judging me for how I was feeling or acting. Calling me everyday asking how I was doing and making sure that I was okay. You have been there for me since I found out I was pregnant and you were there through all the trials that we have had during the pregnancy and after his was born. You're my "HERO" :) Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our family and offering to help us out in so many ways. While on vacation I had someone tell me that every time she hold Seth she just prays and to me that she could not give a better gift than that, and Dani, thanks for all of your prayers and all of the offers to help or bring dinner.

My Amazing little boy...

"Amazing"

The morning cold and raining,

dark before the dawn did come

How long in twilight waiting

longing for the rising sun

ohoh ohoh

You came like crashing thunder

breaking through these walls of stone

You came with wide eyed wonder

into all this great unknown

ohoh ohoh

Hush now don't you be afraid

I promise you I'll always stay

I'll never be that far away

I'm right here with you

You're so amazing you shine like the stars

You're so amazing the beauty you are

You came blazing right into my heart

You're so amazing you are...

You are

You came from heaven shining

Breath of God still flows from you

The beating heart inside me

Crumbled at this one so new

ohoh ohoh

No matter where or how far you wander

For a thousand years or longer

I will always be there for you

Right here with you

You're so amazing you shine like the stars

You're so amazing the beauty you are

You came blazing right into my heart

You're so amazing you are...

I hope your tears are few and fast

I hope your dreams come true and last

I hope you find love that goes on and on and on

I hope you wish on every star

I hope you never fall too far

I hope this world can see how wonderful you are

You're so amazing you shine like the stars

You're so amazing the beauty you are

You came blazing right into my heart

You're so amazing...

You're so amazing you shine like the stars

You're so amazing the beauty you are

You came blazing right into my heart

You're so amazing you are...

You are

Now idea what he is doing with his eye

Checking out his sister

Such a big boy

He is still unsure about her :)

She really does love her brother

Sydney watching Max and Ruby

Between You and Me...

I have absolutely no patience, none what so ever. I feel like I am in a different body and have no control over myself. I feel like I have not slept in days when I just got 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I am completely unmotivated and that is just not like me. 

Its 6:40am and my day has begun...

7 Weeks!

Where does the time go?

Seth was 7 weeks on Monday and I can not believe how big he is getting. He went to the doctor yesterday for a check up after vacation and he weighs 12 pounds 7 ounces. He is not such a little guy. I guess I don't expect him to be that little after being a 9 pound baby. He is starting to understand when its time for bed. Monday and Tuesday night he slept what I call all the way through the night. He went to bed both nights at 9pm and on Monday woke up at 6am and then this morning woke up at 5am and he is not even up for morning yet. He will nurse and then go back to bed till about 8 or 8:30am. So I can not really complain about sleep even though it seems that I am not getting any. I feel more tired than I have been in a long time.

Getting a bath

He loves his baths

All Clean

Enough of the pictures...I'm cold!

Palm Springs 2009

Friday July 31st we left for a week long vacation to Palm Springs. We got the car pack and were ready to leave by 12pm. We went with the MacCallum's, Finney's, and the Sherman's. I can not say that the car ride with a 5 week old who hates his car seat is really much fun. He cried majority of the way there in between some bottle feedings and a two stops to stretch which is when I would get him out and hold him and of course he would stop crying that instant. Sydney did great the way there. She watched her favorite show right now which is Max and Ruby, and ate lots of snacks.

We all seemed to have a great time. Everyday the kids got to go swimming and I dont think I ever realized how good Sydney can swim, she really surprised me. A typical day while we were there was waking up, hanging out on the patio and Sydney playing with the MacCallum kids and feeding the ducks. Around 10am Mike would take her down to the pool where she would swim and have lunch and then about 1:30pm head back to the room for a nap. I would get Seth to sleep and then Lisa and I would go down to the pool and have some girl time until it was time for us to get dinner ready or my husband would call me to help him out with the kiddos. We would then all have dinner together in someone's room and then the kids would play until it was time for bed. Some of the nights us adults would have a game night. I think it only happened twice but they were a lot of fun. Cranium and Curses are not too much fun for me but I loved watching everyone else :)

We had such a great time and it was a much needed time away from life for us and of course a great time with friends. Here are pictures of our vacation!

Oh goodness, goggles were the death of me on this trip...these are too big but I had to get a pic

My little fish

She would swim all day if I let her

My little muffin

"What up yo?" (thats for Lisa :)

Friends and the pool and lovin it!

Lisa and Ezra...he hate the pool

This kid melts my heart!

This is one of my favorite pictures. I love daddy's with their little ones.

Mike and Topher

Matt acting like Matt!

The kids having fun at the street fair!

On Monday while we were on vacation Seth was 6 weeks!